Today, I want to talk about weight. Now this isn’t another one of those generic ‘I hate my body’ rants where I openly share all the reasons why I hate myself and my body; which, for some reason people seem to do and think it’s alright to do nowadays. I personally don’t think people should be talking about how much they don’t like themselves, nor should they post their problems on the internet. Really, all that does is give others the wrong impression of you and in return you’ll receive bad attention.
But for those who know my blog and have been reading my posts for awhile, all know that I don’t post anything negative like that. I usually just tell my story, if what I’m talking about pertains to me personally, or just give my opinions on it in an open way, all while encouraging and promoting self love and appreciation.
And, of course, this post shall be no different.
Weight is subjective. We’re talking multiple personal interpretations for every human being in the world, effecting one’s mood, attitude, opinions, and actions.
Ever since I was really little, people always told me that I was so skinny. Like unbelievably skinny. I’ve had my dad’s friends and people my mom has introduced me to, look at me and the first thing they’d comment is that I was so skinny. I’ve had random ass strangers in the food isle at Walmart, who somehow feel the need to criticize my life, tell me that I’m too skinny and I should go eat a cheeseburger. And as much as I’d like to look at them and tell them that I actually had two cheeseburgers, a large fry, a milkshake, and a slice of pie before coming here; I just don’t say anything cause, well, who cares. Other people’s opinions were never important enough to waste my breath on.
You know, when I was little and growing up, I always just saw myself as normal. In my mind, I wasn’t skinny, or too skinny, or underfed; I was always just me. I never thought about my weight and I never thought anything was wrong with me.
I knew I was a small person cause I’ve always been small. I knew I was thin, but I never saw myself as ‘skinny’ as people made me sound. My legs and arms didn’t look like twigs or anything. And I never compared how I looked to how other people looked because ‘Who cares? Every body is different and their bodies don’t matter to me.’ was my mentality at that age. Then one day I did start to look around and I’d go to school and see girls around my age, give or take a couple years, who were way thinner and skinnier than I was, who had the thinnest little chicken legs and noodles arms, literally looking like skin just covering bones, and with seeing that, I never understood how I got picked on for being the skinny one.
It actually wasn’t until I was about 14 that I started feeling a little uncomfortable in my own skin cause every single day I’d be told that I was so skinny. And I didn’t like that. It got to the point where I started looking in the mirror with thoughts in my head like, ‘I look too skinny in these jeans. I need to change into something that makes me look a little bigger.’ I wouldn’t wear shorts, or even show my legs outside my house; I’d wear long sleeves to cover my arms or I’d wear hoodies to cover my body so it didn’t look like I was that skinny; all because people made me feel uncomfortable. Like, I was actually thinking and doing that stuff.
How I felt at the time and about my appearance only lasted for about a year. Then I got over it cause I didn’t see the point anymore x) lol I just didn’t care enough for it to cause me real problems. I was like ‘You know what? Who cares. Screw you and you and you and what you think. You’re nobody to me. So why would I let you make me feel like there’s something wrong with me?’ Lol it only took me a short amount of time to change my mind and attitude.
And I think that’s the difference between me and a lot of girls, or even guys, who have had thoughts contradicting their weight caused by other people’s comments. I just didn’t care about what other people were saying. Who were they to me and why should anyone else’s opinion of me and my weight override what I think of me and my weight? How I feel about myself is much more important than what anyone else thinks.
I remember being compared to the weight and size of my friends, random people at my school, and even my family compared my weight and size to the weight and size of my little cousin. I was always just like, ‘Well, everyone is different and has different bodies.’ But one thing I’ll never understand is why people say those things. Do they think because I was a little kid, that I didn’t have feelings? Do they not think that person knows that about themselves? Overweight people know they’re overweight. Underweight people know they’re underweight. Tall people know they’re tall. And short people know they’re short. So why do people feel the need to put that out there as if we don’t already know?
Nowadays, I rarely ever have people telling me that I’m too skinny. I haven’t heard that in a very long time. Except for this one time, last year, when I went to Walmart. And of course Walmart people are obnoxious anyway. I was in the produce section grabbing avocados and this older white woman looks at me and out of nowhere says, ‘Girl you need to get some meat on your bones! You’re too damn skinny!’ I just looked at her with a smirk, laughed at her a little, then said ‘Nehhh, I’m good.’ And walked away with my four avocados.
(And just for reference, I’m 5’5 and 105 pounds)
You see, the thing is, EVERYONE struggles with their weight. And everybody deals with it differently, whether you’re labeled underweight or overweight. Being called fat and being called skinny feels the same way, has the same effect, and can be hurtful when people address it and say it in a way meant to be hurtful. I’ve had people tell me I’m skinny like it offends them or disgusts them. And honestly, if you don’t like the way I look, that’s not my problem, it’s YOUR problem. And I really don’t care.
This is the body I have and I literally and physically can’t change it. I can eat all the food I want, try to gain healthy weight, but that’s impossible for me and I’ve accepted that.
THIS is my body. And I LOVE my body.
I hope you all love yourselves and your bodies as well. And if you don’t, well, try and change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
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