I won’t share any real details about what’s happened in my family because they’re family matters and no one really needs to know. But I have all these feelings and I need to rant about some stuff. But let’s just say that things are going to be tough for awhile. Very tough. For everyone in my family.
The other day when I wrote about how I was sad because I didn’t have my mother that day, and how I thought it was because she had something going on that she needed to deal with. Well, sadly I was right. I knew right away that day that something was wrong because I saw the signs. I’ve been there myself, and I know when something’s wrong but I never thought that it would be as bad as it really was.
Today my parents shared with my brother and I what was going on and how my mother had been keeping it to herself for two weeks and dealing with everything on her own. It was a very emotional conversation between the four of us. It’s a sad and very scary situation that my family’s been put in, and we could lose a lot. For the first time in a long time, I felt real fear.
However, I have to say that we’ve definitely built the strongest foundation under our family. We’re strong when we’re together and we’re very very close. It’s definitely going to test our strength as a family but we’re gonna get through this. And we’re gonna get through it together with each others support. Hopefully without losing anything along the way.
When my mother was telling me what happened, she got emotional and started to cry. Then I started to tear up because it KILLS me to see my mom cry. I have never seen her as low as she was today. She was so emotional and sad and depressed and stressed out and it was upsetting to all of us. It got me emotional because she’s my momma bear. She’s the strongest person in my life and she takes care of everyone and fixes everything, but this is the one thing she can’t fix. And seeing her as sad as she was just killed me inside.
And later when we all took a drive together, she was talking about how she felt so helpless and depressed and EVERYTHING she was saying I could relate to because I’ve been through the exact same emotions when I was depressed. It was terrible to hear that she was going through that. She was telling me how when she got the news she just wanted to drive off the highway and die. She was seriously at an all time low and it broke my heart that she felt that way. I was tearing up and getting all sad but after chatting about it with her, I think I provided some kind of comfort and support when I told her that I’ve been through those feelings too and she’s not alone. It’s really hard for me to actually talk about that part of my life because every time I do, I just start crying. It’s definitely the darkest part of my years.
Mum was saying how it was my dad that made her want to keep going. He just kept telling her that everything will be alright and we have each other to fall back on. But what happened really does change everything for us.
I’m not sure I’m ready for any of this and it terrifies me that we could lose everything. And it upsets me that I can’t even help out because of my current crippled condition.
Nonetheless, we’re all here to support each other and help each other get through this. We just have to stay positive.
When it comes to family, we’re strongest when we’re all together. And I feel like when we’re all together, we can pull through any situation.
May 8th, 2013 at 9:26 am
Thank you for showing me your strength. Thank you for showing me your fear.
WE are not alone. We just “think” we are.
Prayers for your family my friend.
May 8th, 2013 at 9:43 am
And thank you for your support.
May 8th, 2013 at 3:55 pm
moms and dads are supposed to look strong, but just like the rest of us are warm and mushy inside. I think we’ve all been there… that test of ‘strength’ and I’m sure that things will work out in the end… all of us (your blog followers!) will be thinking of you!
May 8th, 2013 at 5:26 pm
Thanks for your positivity and support!